Now they'll give you a sugar high with...
I Need A Doll!
The Valley of the Dolls
Jelly Belly Experience
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Welcome to I Need a Doll, the Valley of the Dolls Jelly Belly Experience. This is sort of like a drinking game, except instead of getting drunk, you get a sugar high.
If you're not familiar with Valley of the Dolls, head to your local video store immediately to rent it. This won't make much sense if you haven't seen it. (Read the book, too. It's just as wonderfully awful.) All you'll need to play is a copy of the movie and a bowl of Jelly Belly jellybeans. You can use plain beans, but Jelly Bellies taste better. And you can't get regular beans that are marshmallow flavored. Below is a list of key characters and the dolls appropriate to them. Unfortunately, in the movie, all the dolls are red, but if you get a copy of the movie with the original trailer on it, they assign different colored pills to the four female leads. |
 for Anne Welles
(You can use green apple or lime, sweet with a bitter aftertaste.)  for Neely O'Hara
(Cherry is good, but cinnamon is better. Tabasco cinnamon is the best.)  for Jennifer North
(Appropriate because she ends up doing blue movies, and also because she ends up dead. Anyway, use Very Berry or blueberry.)  for Helen Lawson
(Sour lemon. Definitely sour lemon.)  for Tony Polar
(Cantaloupe, because he's such a melon.)  for Ted Casablanca
(Tutti Fruiti, of course, altho in a pinch you can use peach.)  for choice cameos
(Toasted marshmallow because the cameos are usually pretty half-baked. It's a bit of a stretch, but they don't make ham-flavored.) |
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Now, the first rule of the game is to pop a doll whenever you see one of the characters pop a doll. For example, if Neely takes a pill, you eat a . If you'd like to recreate the scene where Jennifer pops an entire bottle of pills, be our guest, but don't blame us for the bellyache you get afterwards.
Next, whenever someone mentions popping dolls, eat an appropriate bean. For example, if Mel complains about Neely taking pills, you'd eat a because he's talking about Neely.
Finally, pop a whenever Ted Casablanca is mentioned.
Okay, now that the basic rules are laid down, let's get to specific doll-popping scenes. These refer to choice moments in the movie for which you'll want some sugar. |
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when Anne says, "You have to climb Mount Everest to get to the Valley of the Dolls."
when Helen says, "The only hit that comes out of a Helen Lawson show is Helen Lawson, and that's me, baby, remember?"
when the director tells Jennifer, "You are top-heavy."
when Neely says, "With dignity!"
for Joey Bishop.
while Neely sings "It's Impossible", right at that special bead moment. (You'll know it when you see it.)
when Jennifer first eyes Tony.
when Tony hits the sour high note at the end of "Come Live With Me."
when Neely compares applause to Mel copping a feel, only "double triple."
when Jennifer says "Aw, the hell with it. Let 'em droop!"
when Anne asks Lyon Burke, "Are you wooing me?"
for the guy who designed the set for Helen's show.
when Lyon tells Anne referring to Helen, "Offstage I hate her, but onstage, I'm madly in love with her."
when Anne puts down the pin.
when Neely falls on her butt after the slo-mo cartwheel.
when Tony mentions singing lessons.
when Miriam calls Tony's doctor.
after Anne reads Lyon's letter.
when Anne refers to the Gillian Girl offer as "very tempting."
for George Jessel.
when Tony gets released by the studio.
when Neely tosses her cigarette into the pool.
when Tony collapses. (You could alternate between and when Jennifer & Tony keep calling each others names, but it could get awful messy.)
when Jennifer says, "I'm pregnant."
when Tony goes to the sanitarium.
when Neely throws a tantrum on the set.
when Neely says, "Sparkle, Neely, sparkle!"
when Neely mentions Jennifer asking where to get an abortion.
when Neely says, "I need Mel... I mean, Ted."
when Neely turns the light on to discover Ted in the pool with another woman.
when Ted says, "That little whore makes me feel nine feet tall!"
when Neely throws the bottle at Ted.
when Neely spots Jennifer's "uncensored" movie poster.
when Neely screams, "I need a doll!"
when Tony sings with Neely.
when Neely threatens to steal Lyon from Anne.
when Jennifer tells Anne her breast tumor is malignant.
when Jennifer says, "All I know how to do is take off my clothes."
for Jacqueline Susann.
when Anne discovers Neely's pills.
when Anne is declared "Loser of the week."
when Neely shows up to Helen's party.
when Neely grabs Helen's wig.
when Neely declares "I'm not everyone."
for Richard Dreyfuss.
when Neely's understudy says, "I'm ready."
when Neely says, "They love me."
when Neely screams, "Neely O'Hara!"
when Anne leaves Lyon. (Note that she leaves him at her house.)
Finally, take a doll of your choice when the "Valley of the Dolls" title card appears. NOTE: This site is no longer being updated. |