I’ve listened to it a couple of times already, and it hasn’t made much of an impression on me.  I don’t hate it when I hear it, but I forget about it pretty quickly afterward.  I’m sure it will do… moderately?

1. Iceland

I love this song. It’s got a Real McCoy feel to it. Euroband’s performance is excellent, but I fear that going first may kill their chances.

2. Sweden

My god, Charlotte Perrelli has had a lot of work done. I mean, she looks unnatural. The song is catchy and she sings it well, so overall a good performance. Nil point for the plastic surgeon, though.

3. Turkey

Turkey’s rocking out this year. I wasn’t into this song before, but Mor ve Ötesi’s performance is very good. They sound great, and they have a lot of intensity. So far, so good tonight.

4. Ukraine

I think Dima Bilan is going to win Eurovision for Russia, but Ani Lorak’s “Shady Lady” is definitely my favorite song this year. The staging of this number is fun. The male dancers are in this box that lights up on each of them during the opening lines of the song. That description so doesn’t do this justice, so just check out the video from the show:

Just fantastic.

5. Lithuania

Now the evening goes downhill. This is absolutely awful. Jeronimas Milius’ singing is all over the place, and he’s over-emoting horribly. This is the Eurovision equivalent of Laurence Olivier in The Jazz Singer. Abysmal.

6. Albania

Olta Boka is not a horrible singer, but she doesn’t have an intense enough voice to handle the chorus of the song. It’s kind of an amateurish performance, which is too bad, because the song is not bad.

7. Switzerland

Here’s your Johnny Logan number for the night. Unfortunately, while “Era Stupendo” is not horrible, Paolo has trouble holding notes. He goes flat if he holds a note longer than three seconds. It’s a problem, but I’m sure this one goes through anyway.

8. Czech Republic

I had high hopes for this, because while “Have Some Fun” is not a profound song by any means, the recorded track sounded pretty good. Live, however, this was an absolute train wreck. They’ve remixed the song for the show and added a deejay who yells throughout the entire song. There are lots of extraneous explosions at random times during the song. The dancing is strikingly awful, even by Eurovision standards. And the singer, Tereza, is completely drowned out by the music. This is utterly atrocious.

9. Belarus

This song is called “Hasta La Vista.” How appropriate. This is so bad that I found myself looking forward to the day Belarus merges into Russia. Also, there are these big mounds with lights in them on the stage that look like leftover props from Invasion of the Body Snatchers: The Musical.

10. Latvia

“Wolves of the Sea” by Pirates of the Sea. Sample lyrics: “We’re robbing you blind/I hope you don’t mind” and “There’s no Peter Pan, so what can you do?” All I can say is never underestimate Rednex’ influence. Still, this is cute enough to go through, I bet.

More in part two.

1. Iceland: Eurobandið – “This Is My Life”
2. Sweden: Charlotte Perrelli – “Hero”
3. Turkey: Mor Ve Otesi – “Deli”
4. Ukraine: Ani Lorak – “Shady Lady”
5. Lithuania: Jeronimas Milius – “Nomads In the Night”
6. Albania: Olta Boka – “Zemrën Lamë Peng”
7. Switzerland: Paolo Meneguzzi -”Era Stupendo”
8. Czech Republic: Tereza Kerndlová – “Have Some Fun”
9. Belarus: Ruslan Alekhno – “Hasta la Vista”
10. Latvia: Pirates of the Sea – “Wolves of the Sea”
11. Croatia: Kraljevi Ulice & 75 Cents – “Romanca”
12. Bulgaria: Deep Zone & Balthazar – “DJ, Take Me Away”
13. Denmark: Simon Mathews – “All Night Long”
14. Georgia: Diana Gurtskaya – “Peace Will Come”
15. Hungary: Csézy – “Szívverés”
16. Malta: Morena – “Vodka”
17. Cyprus: Evdokia Kadi – “Femme Fatale”
18. FYR Macedonia: Tamara Todevska, Vrčak & Adrian Gadza – “Vo Imeto Na Ljubovta”
19. Portugal: Vânia Fernandes – “Senhora do Mar”

Missed the first one…

Israel – looked pretty darn amusing to me.
Cyprus – sounded pretty good.
Belarus – cheesy. who cares, he is doing magic.
Iceland – There are big eyes in the background. He not only sounds like Meatloaf, he looks like Meatloaf.
Georgia – cool. Go girl! Is it me or does she looks a little too happy?
Montenegro – eh?
Switzerland – I love the guy with the mohawk.
Moldova – well, she’s in tune
Netherlands – sounds just like anastacia
Albania – wow, he’s old
Denmark – pitchy. But that’s some headdress.
Croatia – pitchy. Painful.
Poland – I don’t have time to start.
Serbia – she looks like Lea Delaria. sounded ok from what I could tell.
Czech – yes, they rock. lower case rock.
Portugal – she’s pretty. weak singer. much quieter than all the others.
FYR Macedonia – heh heh she said douche
Norway – she’s old
Malta – there’s a gong in the background
Andorra – ARROWS!!!! Wow, they’re totally out of tune.
Hungary – tight, she sounded good. I love the tank top and jeans, totally stripped down look which is a nice contrast to the glammed up other acts.
Estonia – sorry, I missed it. Dave came in and needed cash.

The rest I already did.

“Vampires in Helsinki, COME ALIVE!” Nice one, Bobo!

What was I saying about the lack of theatrics? Strike that from the record.

The choreography in this is… how to put this politely? Shitty? Yes. DJ Bobo is in his 50s or something, so everything has to be performed slowly so he can keep up, I think. Still, this song is so ridiculously awesome I can’t see it not going through.

Many of the Swiss contingent have fright make-up on, incidentally.

Israel – Of all the controversial numbers, it’s the controversialist!
Belarus – Schmaltz sells
Georgia – Because it is awesome
Switzerland – You can’t kill vampires, you can only hope to contain them
Serbia – One of the frontrunners to win it all
Malta – It’s by-the-numbers Eurovision, which I think has its appeal
Andorra – Rumor is Anonymous is a compelling live band
Hungary – Good song, good singer
Belgium – My dark horse pick, which will bite me in the ass when Denmark actually does make it through
Turkey – It gets stuck in your head and won’t let go, especially when you’re dialing in

Bulgaria – because it doesn’t suck
Belarus – because apparently he really is planning on doing magic. I wasn’t just making that up.
Georgia – because the track is sweet
Switzerland – because it’s awesome
Denmark – because he’s pretty
Serbia – because she can sing, and, evidently, is the odds on favorite
Andorra – because Andorra needs Malcolm in the Middle
Hungary – because she can sing
Turkey – because it’s awesome
Austria – because I have to root for my peeps